Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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