I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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