Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
