Porn is love you can see.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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