just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
