Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
