I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
