so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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