the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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