Duck Duck Cougar?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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