Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
