i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
