Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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