From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
