if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
