i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
