Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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