Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
