does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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