Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish they made helmets for livers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
