I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
