i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
