omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
