So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
