nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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