Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
