I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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