my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
