We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
