Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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