My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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