We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
