Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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