Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
