All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
