dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
