rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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