Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Swine flu is the new snow day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
