okay pat passed out under dana's car
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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