Just fell off a train. Bad.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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