im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
