'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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