Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
