Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
