nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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