just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
