Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
