Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
