Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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