He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
