i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
