so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
