We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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